Crying

There's a scene in the film "Lonesome Dove" after Gus (played by Richard Duval) has rescued Laurie (played by Diane Lane), who had been kidnapped and assaulted. She had been unable to speak since her rescue, and they were camping on the way to join their friends on a cattle drive to Montana. They had enjoyed playing poker together so he set up a table and cards for them to play. The memory of better times brought her to tears. He hugged her close and told her to let them flow, to cry it all out, saying something to the effect that what happened was in the past and this was the way to keep it in the past so it wouldn't follow her the rest of her life.

Those were pretty wise words coming from a vehicle of entertainment. Imagine what would happen if parents did that when their children started crying. We don't like to see our children in pain, and crying is an indication of extreme distress. But if they are not at the present moment injured physically, or extremely uncomfortable due to external conditions such as cold and heat, or very hungry, maybe they just need to shed a few tears. Whatever happened to upset them is in the past, maybe the tears are a way of helping everyone insure that the bad experience fade into distant memory.

Many of us have experienced how cathartic crying can be. You try your best to resist the tears, but when they flow there's relief, and often a cleared head and fresh perspectives. If children are in someone's loving arms when the tears come, and told that the bad feelings will pass, they can experience the same kind of relief.

This isn't to say that it would be a good idea for children to be encouraged to demand attention at any whim or to cry incessantly. Parents can use their judgment about when and where it's a good idea to pause whatever they're doing and give a child a big hug and tell them that it's okay to cry. If you have something pressing to do, you can even say I've only got five minutes, but I'm all yours for that time, and then we can talk about it later.

This, of course, pertains to families where children and adults are basically normal people. If children have behavioral problems and act out often and extremely, a professional in some aspect of psychology as well as a pediatrician should be called upon.